Thursday, September 29, 2011

Slip of tongue... Truely funny

Too good J

 

Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife
looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE : "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND : "Definitely not!"
WIFE : "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND : "Of course I do."
WIFE : "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND : "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE : "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND : (makes audible groan)
WIFE : "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND : "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE : "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND : "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE : "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND : "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE : "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND : "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE : "Would you give her my jewellery?"
HUSBAND : "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE : "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND : "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE : -- silence --
HUSBAND : "sh*t."

 

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Sunday, September 25, 2011

Funniest Classifieds

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man....if only I knew A B C....)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll
never
go anywhere again.
(sure...thanx for the warning!)

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
(uh...huh!)

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by
hand.
(nice work!)

Sardar answers

1 - Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

2 - Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Sheddy

3 - Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

4 - After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

5 - One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man
born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

6 - Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is
jayanthi.

Telugu Movie Names In This Software Generation

Onsite andagaadu - Offshore chinnadi,
office lo Java-intlo Bava,
Attaku Sybase Ammayiki D-Base,
Fire aina Mogudu - Job vachhina pellam,
Priyudu nerpina PASCAL,
Project dorakani Papa,
India vellalani undi,
Gova lo Java,
Ma aayana SAP,
Yemandi mailochindi,
Oka computer iddaru programmerlu,
Ninne debug chesta,
Data clean chesukundam ra,
COBOL kaatesindi, Lotus lo lolli,
SAPsangamam, Job-e-kaavaali,
Nee Password Naaku Telsu!!!,
Manager Programergaaru baagunnara ???,
Priyuraliki oka E-Mail,
Virus leni manishi,
Bhale client.
Review cheddam raa,.
Sorry... naaku already job vundi,
Patnam vachina programarlu

A Nice Conversation

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem
science has with God, the Almighty. He asks one of his new students
to stand and.....

PROF: So you believe in God?
STUDENT : Absolutely, sir.

PROF: Is God good?
STUDENT : Sure.

PROF: Is God all-powerful?
STUDENT : Yes.

PROF: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal
him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God
didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)

PROF: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God
good?
STUDENT : Yes.

PROF : Is Satan good?
STUDENT : No.

PROF : Where does Satan come from?
STUDENT : From...God...

PROF : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
STUDENT : Yes.

PROF : Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
STUDENT : Yes.

PROF : So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)

PROF : Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these
terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
STUDENT : Yes, sir.

PROF: So, who created them?
(St! udent has no answer.)

PROF: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe
the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
STUDENT : No, sir.

PROF: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
STUDENT : No, sir.

PROF: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God?
Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter? STUDENT : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

PROF: Yet you still believe in Him?
STUDENT : Yes.

PROF: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol,
science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
STUDENT : Nothing. I only have my faith.

PROF: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
STUDENT : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

PROF: Yes.
STUDENT : And is there such a thing as cold?

PROF: Yes.
STUDENT : No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

STUDENT : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat,
mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have
anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no
heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing
as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat.
We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of
heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

STUDENT : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as
darkness?
PROF : Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

STUDENT : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of
something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light,
flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have
nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness
isn't. If it were you would be able ! to make darkness darker, wouldn't
you?

PROF: So what is the point you are making, young man?
STUDENT : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

PROF: Flawed? Can you explain how?
STUDENT : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue
there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You
are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can
measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity
and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully
understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be
ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.

Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved
from a monkey?

PROF: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes,
of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution! with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize
where the argument is going.)

STUDENT : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at
work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor,
are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a
preacher? (The class is in uproar.)

STUDENT : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the
Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)

STUDENT : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's
brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable,
demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir.

With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face
unfathomable.)

PROF: I guess you'll have to! take them on faith, son.
STUDENT : That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That
is all that keeps things moving & alive.

NOTE : I believe you have enjoyed the conversation...and if
so...you'll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the
same...won't you?.... this is a true story, and the student was none
other than...Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, the present president of India.


Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude...............

Classical Definitions Cool Meanings

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end
& a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals
are more popular than a 5 day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor
degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the
lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the
minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water-power ..

9. Dictionary :A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room :A place where everybody talks, nobody listens &
everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy :A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling
you have never felt before.

12. Classic :A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile :A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office :A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn :The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. :A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee:Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience :The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb:An invention to end all inventions.

20. Boss :Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

21. Politician :One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

22. Dr :A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

23. Computer Engineer: One who gets paid for reading such mails......

Funny love letter

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda), you are my TVS SCOOTY (first love) and my AIWA (pure passion). I always BPL (believe in the best) and you are SANSUI (better than the best). You are DOMINO'SPIZZA (delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENE! RGY GEL (seriously fresh) feeling for me. I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your mother who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (the unshakable) and my mother who is CEAT (born tough) , but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The josh machine) and rest of our family members are pretty KELVINATORS (the coolest ones). If our mother say no, we will run away and marry, and PHILIPS (let's make things better).

They will feel MIRINDA (zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA-COLA (jo chahe ho jaye) . Trust in God who's always NOKIA (connecting people) who love each other. And do not forget that we are WILLS (made for each other). Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK ! (real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE (fun fast easy) and PARX (always comfortable). So
never forget me.
Ok bye!

I wrote little but actually PEPSI (yeh dil mange more)!!.

Yours
LG (digitally yours).

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Funny Links:)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Deadly PJs (new stock)........Hilarious



          Q: Why is Sunday stronger than Monday?


          ..



          Think Think....

          .

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          Its because....

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          Monday is a Weak Day....

          _____________________________________



          Q: Which is the safest way to see a shark?

          .

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          Ans: On Television....

          _____________________________________



          A FANTASTIC PJ:

          Q: What would Baby Corn say To Mom Corn?

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          Guess plz....

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          He'll ask:

          "Where is Pop Corn?"



          _____________________________________



          Q: What is the full form of CNBC ???

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          It means....

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          Cartoon Network for Business Community !!



          _____________________________________



          Q: Do u know what is the meaning of PYAR?

          .

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          Some friends sitting on the table in a BAR.....

          & saying.....

          "P - YAAR"



          _____________________________________



          Q1) What is it that RAM can do but RAVAN cant?

          .

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          A: Wear a T-SHIRT.





          Q2) What is it that RAVAN can do but RAM cant?

          .

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          A: Group discussion when he is alone.



          _____________________________________



          Q: Why did Ram Gopal Varma made 'Phoonk'?

          .

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          .

          ?

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          ANS:

          Uski Picchli 'AAG' ko bujhaane ke liye....



          _____________________________________



          Q: What do u call a 800 year old Hanuman Temple ???

          .

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          Guess???

          .

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          Give it a shot....

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          MARUTI 800!!!



          _____________________________________



          Dharam Paaji subscribed to Hutch. But the hutch network did notfollow him.
          Why?

          .

          .

          .

          Bcoz the Dog was afraid,

          'Kutte! Main tera khoon pee jaunga.'



          _____________________________________



          Q: Agar Bengali ka phone kat jaaye, to woh kya kahega?

          .

          .

          ..



          Socho....

          .

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          Kol-Kata.....



          _____________________________________



          Q: Dada Kondake opened a Bank in the memory of his Mother's Grandmother i.e. Great Grandmother.

          What did he name the bank?

          .

          .

          Think!

          .

          .



          "I CHI I CHI I" Bank.



          _____________________________________



          Q: Ek Kaana Ladka kisi ladki ko propose kare to kaunsa song gaayega?
          .

          .

          .



          Ek NAZAR se bhi pyar hota hai, Maine suna hai....



          _____________________________________



          Bear this PJ !!

          Q: What is the difference between Paneer Masala and Paneer 'Tikka' Masala??
          .

          .

          .



          Think!

          .

          .

          .

          .



          Think!

          .

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          .



          Simple!

          The Latter is Vaccinated...!!



          _____________________________________



          Q: Why does the BAA of "Kyunki Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi" neverdie?
          .

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          Coz God Never Dies....

          Confused?

          .

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          BAA 'KHUDA' TUMHI HO!



          _____________________________________



          Q: If Bill Gate's mother gets bored, What will u call her?

          .

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          Take a Guess....

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          MOTHER-BOARD!



Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Funny error messages in computer













































Impact of job change





Impact of job change



A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second eve! rything went quiet in the cab, and then the  driver said:

"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bod! ies for the last 25 years.......u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!!



Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Shortest speech by CEO of Coca Cola